For Better or Worse
by ABettis41319
Summary: Attending Ryan and Jenny's wedding, Kate is ready to give Castle a shot at a relationship. Can they get past misunderstandings and obstacles that present themselves. My first shot at fanfic
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't help but feel excited as she stood in front of the bathroom mirror carefully applying her make-up. She was trying to avoid the gleam in her eyes as she swiped the mascara on because she knew it would only betray her with the giddiness that they held. She was being pathetic. It was just a wedding. She would be hanging out with her friends. Friends that she worked with everyday. Except this wasn't an everyday event. There would be dancing and laughter and celebration and people dressed to the nine's. And he would be there. In a tux. Looking good. And she knows he's going to be staring at her. In her new dress. The one that she may have bought with him in mind.

She may be going without a plus one to Kevin and Jenny's wedding but she knew he'd be by her side the whole night. Probably with his hand on the small of her back the whole time. She shivered at that thought. She couldn't help but smile remembering him telling her that the date he was bringing was Alexis. It had been a relief to her. She knew she wasn't up for seeing him with someone else and yes, she had admitted to herself that she would have been extremely jealous if it were. She was going to be a disaster tonight, she could feel it.

After dabbing on the finishing touches of her lipstick she walked to the edge of her bed where the dress was laying and slid into it just as her cell rang.

"Beckett."

"Hey girl. I'm a block away. Do you want me to come up when I get there or stay in the cab?" Lanie asked as Kate's building came in to view.

"Just stay there. I'll see you in a second," Kate assured Lanie as she hung up and gave herself a once over in the mirror one final time.

"This is as good as it gets. Here we go. You can do this,

Kate," she sighed to herself trying to get rid of some of the nerves she was feeling.

Lanie watched as Kate approached the cab and got in.

"Damn, girl! You look fine. And that ass... If I wasn't mistaken, I would think you're trying to impress a certain writer of yours."

"Knock it off, Lane. Correct me if I'm wrong but you're supposed to dress up for a wedding. And I could say the same thing about your "ladies". They are looking extra perky tonight. Got Javi on the mind?"

Lanie scoffed, "Girl, please. I don't know what you're talking about."

"And he's not my writer."

"Mmmhmm, you keep telling yourself that, Kate."

Kate turned to the window staring out as the cab drove them to the church. She didn't want Lanie to see the small smile that played across her lips. She wanted him to be her writer and she liked the way that sounded but she was holding back. She kept telling herself she wasn't ready or healed enough to dive into something with him. But she could flirt and look good while doing it, right? She made her mind up right there that tonight she would give him something more than just a big toothy smile. Ready or not, she was going to dive into a relationship with Castle. Because she loved him. She was in love with Richard Castle

The church was decorated beautifully and people were milling about finding their seats and chatting with friends and family. Kate stood off to the side in the lobby out of the way while Lanie made a stop in the Ladies room.

She couldn't help but think about the future and what her big day would be like. She always imagined a traditional wedding with 2 or 3 bridesmaids in beautiful gowns. Not ugly ones that she always had to wear as a bridesmaid. She could picture he dress being strapless and slim fitting at the top and flowing out from the waist line. Her dad would cry when he first saw her and they would hug and talk about how they wish mom could see this. Oh. Her mom. Kate steeled herself and straightened her torso even more not letting the memory and realization that her mom would not be at her wedding ruin what was about to take place for Kevin and Jenny. She swallowed down the hot tears that were trying to form and tried to think of something else. An image of her future groom popped into her mind. She let out a breathy chuckle as she pictured none other than Castle himself.

Thinking of Castle brought her out of her daydream and she realized that only a few minutes before the ceremony was to start Castle still wasn't there. Kate made her way over to glass doors that led outside and peered out to see if she could spot him and Alexis.

"He'll be here, don't worry," Lanie said as she placed a hand on Kate's shoulder.

Kate jumped and spun around. "Geez, Lanie, you scared the crap out of me." Kate turned back to the door and watched as people were escorted out of their cars by the valet attendants. "I know he'll be here. Alexis is coming with him so she won't let him be late." She smiled to herself thinking of the wonderful daughter he had raised and what a great father he truly was.

As her thoughts of him played out in her mind a black limo pulled up to the curb and out stepped one Richard Castle in his black tuxedo. He stood and looked up at the church while he buttoned his tux jacket. Kate's heart rate increased at the site before her. He was a gorgeous man and he was making her stomach turn with butterflies. Castle turned back to the car with his left hand stretched out to help the occupant out of the limo.

Kate heard Lanie release a quiet gasp beside her. "Oh, Kate."

Kate's smile faltered as the look of confusion took over her face as she saw the scene unfold. The Limo drove off as Castle and his date approached the entrance to the church.

Alexis. His date was definitely not Alexis Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow, you guys! I am blown away at all of the follows and reviews I received for the first chapter. I've never shared my words publicly so to know that you may actually want to continue reading this story makes my heart happy. _

_I will try to update often, but as I mentioned on tumblr, I stay home with my 3 month old so I can not make any promises._

_Anyways, let's keep this going! Hang on, people... the road is a little bumpy at first I promise KB and RC will find their way._

Lanie tugged on Kate's shoulder from behind. "Come on, girl, let's go find us a seat," she sighed and was instantly heartbroken for her best friend.

She had seen the changes in Kate lately. How much she smiled, how happy she was, how she always talked about Castle without any hesitation. Her overall countenance just seemed lighter. The way she carried herself; there was a bounce in her step. Kate Beckett was bouncy. A term Lanie never imagined she would ever describe Kate as. It had been clear to Lanie that Kate had fallen in love with Castle. Hard. But she didn't want to scare Kate back into hiding her feelings by saying anything about the changes she saw, so she kept her thoughts to herself. For the most part, anyways.

Kate's upper body shifted to turn at Lanie's insistence, but her feet were planted firmly to the ground as she just stared as Castle and the woman made their way up the front stairs of the church.

Kate couldn't help but notice how beautiful the mystery woman was. Instant anger and jealousy flared in her gut as she took in the sight that was Castle's date. The woman was just as tall as Kate and had almost the exact same body type. She was wearing a similar style dress to Kate's except that it was strapless and stark white in color which came to a stop just above her knees. Her hair was similar in color and her golden skin was perfectly highlighted by the white fabric.

Come to think of it, Kate thought that this woman could almost pass as her sister if she had one. This thought only fueled Kate's anger. It would have been an easier pill to swallow had Castle showed up with a short blonde bimbo, nothing like kate, but seeing him with someone so similar to her hurt. It hurt like hell. He could have had the real deal but instead he chose some cheap imitation so to speak.

Coming out of her own thoughts just as the two arrived at the opening door, Kate quickly turned to follow Lanie. "Get me out of here, Lanie. Hide me in the crowded pews. Bride or Groom side it doesn't matter. Just go."

Lanie grabbed Kate's wrist and pulled her into the sanctuary. They both had tight lipped smiles as they weaved in and out of the guests and found a seat with just enough space for two about a two thirds of the way back in the middle of the pew on Jenny's side.

As Kate sat she ran her palms down her skirt to straighten it out and then clasped her hands together. She was burning a hole in the back of the pew in front of her because she did not want to look up and see him walking her down the aisle to find seats.

An elbow caught her ribs and she looked over to Lanie. "Who the hell is she Kate? I thought he was bringing Alexis as his date. Why would he lie? I mean, he hasn't dated in so long. I thought he was waiting for you."

Kate took in a sharp breath at that. "I don't know, I don't... I just.. He's obviously moved on. He can date whoever he wants. I don't want to talk about it okay."

"And why the hell is she wearing white to another woman's wedding. The nerve of her!"

"Lanie," Kate hissed.

"Okay, hun. But I'm here."

"It's just... this was supposed to be a magical night. Ryan and Jenny are getting married and I was going to..." Kate shut her eyes and shook her head at the thought at what could have been. She was so stupid. How could she be so stupid to let her walls down? "It's fine, Lanie. We're here for Ryan and Jenny. Let's just enjoy this moment for them."

* * *

><p>Castle had never felt two opposing emotions so strongly at the same time before. He was elated that that Ryan and Jenny were finally becoming one in the company of their dearest family and friends but he was also fuming inside at how his "date situation" had turned out.<p>

He wasn't upset at Alexis at all. Who in their right mind would turn down Lady Gaga tickets? Alexis, that's who. She did not want to bail on her dad who she knew was excited to spend time with her, but he had insisted she not miss the opportunity to work on her "po po po poker face," so she finally agreed and went off with her friends to the concert.

No, he was mad at his agent Paula and his publisher Gina. They were both working out a deal with some foreign production agency and offered Castle up as a solution with out his knowledge.

A couple of hours before the wedding he had been contacted by Paula and was told that Emma Turner was in town for a few hours. She was the final piece to puzzle for there to be a contract and she needed to be convinced that Derrick Storm could be turned into TV series for the BBC. And Rick Castle had to be the one to do the convincing. Thus, the woman in white setting next to him at this intimate wedding.

His heart ached thinking back to walking up those front steps to the church. He happened to look up and through the glass doors just as Kate was turning to walk away. The look on her face said it all. She looked pissed but most of all her face hung with hurt. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hurl himself down like a three year old and throw a full out temper tantrum right here in the pew. Why was this happening, tonight of all nights?

Rick felt fingers pat his right leg. "Rick, are you alright. Is everything okay." Apparently he was not doing a good job of disguising his disgust at how the evening was turning out.

"I'm fine, Emma. It's just that I was not prepared to mix business with pleasure tonight."

"Oh, well maybe I can do all the mixing for you," she purred as she leaned into his side.

Oh man, that was not what he was alluding to at all.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, I've had my eye on someone special and tonight I was hoping... Look, no offense, I just was not expecting to be seen with another woman tonight." Rick gave a polite smile and hoped to God this didn't ruin the deal.

"Okay, Rick, business it is then. As soon as we can talk more, we'll see if we can flesh out some terms for the contract and then I'll be out of your hair. I can appreciate a loyal man. She's a lucky gal whoever she is."

Rick slyly tilted his head up and thanked the heavens above. Maybe this night wouldn't turn out so bad after all. With that thought, the music started and the wedding party began to make their way to the front of the church.

As he turned to watch everyone make their way down the aisle, his hair pricked on the back of his neck. He knew that feeling. It was the feeling of one pair of Kate Beckett eyes from across the room of wedding guests blazing a whole into him. Needless to say, he knew they were not love eyeballs.

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	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: You guys are awesome... again, thank you so much for the follows and reviews. _

_and __**sets59**__ this longer chapter is dedicated to you. I hear you, boo :)_

* * *

><p>Kate couldn't help but stare at him during the ceremony. Or at least she was staring at the back of his head out of the corner of her eye. He was easily seen by her simply because of his size. His head rose above most everyone else's by about half a foot. She tried to pay attention to the ceremony but she was only reminded of what she had seemingly lost.<p>

She had planned to sit with him while Ryan and Jenny exchanged their vows. She imagined being pressed into his side because of how full the pews were and how she wanted to be brave enough to reach over with her hand and at the least interlock her pinky with his while they took in the words that were being spoken in front of the church. And maybe make eye contact with him, give him a smile that was only meant for him signifying that she felt the same way he did.

Finally tearing her gaze from his head she turned her focus back to the bride and groom just as they were sliding their wedding bands on.

When the groom gave his bride the first kiss as husband and wife, hot tears fell over the rims of her eyes. She was so extremely happy that Kevin had found such a wonderful mate but she was also sad for herself. Sad that she may have lost the best thing in her life. Sad that she may have let her mom down by pushing away love to pursue justice that her mom would never see.

Kate quickly swiped the tears off of her cheeks and started clapping as Ryan and Jenny made their way to the back of the church hand in hand grinning ear to ear.

Lanie turned around and looked Kate in the eyes while giving her hand a small squeeze. "You okay? I noticed you didn't see much of the ceremony."

"Yeah Lane, I'm fine," Kate sniffled while giving the brightest smile she could. It was almost non-existent.

"I know you're not fine, but because you're my best friend I'm gonna let that one slide. Come on, let's get to the hotel for the reception so we can get you some alcohol and maybe see if Ryan has any hot single cousins."

Kate rolled her eyes as she followed Lanie thru the crowd and up the aisle. "First of all, I said I'm fine, and second, I do not need alcohol to get thru this. Lastly, no. Just no on the cousins." She had to whisper that last part so that no one else would hear.

"Okay, but one of these days I'm gonna get you to let loose and have some fun. You're over due girl."

"Oh hush, now get us a cab," Kate said as she shoved Lanie forward towards the front doors.

Just as they had made it to the curb and hailed a cab, Castle's all to familiar voice called out to them. "Kate, Lanie, wait up," he panted as he quickly came to a stop next to them. "I thought I would offer you ladies a ride in my limo to reception."

Just as they were about to answer, Castle's date showed up at his side slipping her arm around the crook of his elbow.

Both Lanie and Kate looked at the woman and then back to Castle with questions in their eyes.

"Oh, forgive me, where are my manners? Kate, Lanie, this is Emma. She's..." Castle was cut off mid sentence by the cab driver clearing his throat in an over dramatic fashion.

"You gals comin' or what? I ain't got all day."

Kate gave the driver an apologetic smile and then turned back to Castle and Emma. "Sorry guys, Lanie and I have to make a stop first so we'll just take the cab, but thank you, Castle. I guess we'll see you two there." With that the girls crawled into the cab and drove off.

Castle just stood with his mouth open and wondered what just happened. He didn't have to wonder too much tough. He knew that the presence of Emma had scared Kate off. And that dang cab driver cut him off just as he was about to let Kate know who Emma really was and that this woman was no threat to her whatsoever.

Castle sighed and politely escorted Emma to his limo. He knew he had to make this deal work in the time it took to get to the reception.

He quickly poured Emma a glass of the champagne the limo had on hand and handed it to her. "So... Let's make a deal," Castle held his glass up like a toast and then took a large gulp.

Emma chuckled at him, "All right. Let's."

* * *

><p>"So you gonna tell me where this first stop is you're taking us?" Lanie had both eyebrows raised in question.<p>

"Oh yeah... there is no first stop. We're going straight to the reception. I just needed an excuse not to have to ride in his limo."

Lanie busted out laughing. "Oh Kate, you had me going. Next time though, include me in the decision. That was a free ride back there and I bet he had free drinks too."

"Oh please, Lanie, you can wait five minutes for a drink and I've got the cab covered."

"Dang straight you do."

By the time the cab pulled up to the hotel that was holding the Ryan's reception, Kate was laughing and joking and feeling much better about the night. She could do this. She's watched Richard Castle walk away with another woman before. She could do it again, right? Okay, maybe she did need alcohol.

They found the dining hall and made their way inside.

The food was about to be served so Kate excused herself from Lanie stating sarcastically that she had to find her seat at the "singles" table.

Lanie laughed at Kate's use of air quotes and waved her off. She herself would be joining up with Javi now that he had fulfilled most of his "best man" duties.

Kate was first to arrive at her table. She was curious to see who would be joining her and glanced over to the place card next to her plate to read the name.

Kate immediately balled her hands into fists and growled, "you've got to be freaking kidding me!"

As if this night could get any worse, the name on the plate read none other than Tom Demming.

* * *

><p>Castle made good use of his time in the limo. Working out the terms of the contract had not been as tough as Paula and Gina made it sound so by the time they pulled up to the hotel, a deal had been reached.<p>

Castle gave directions to the driver informing him of where to take Emma next as he himself stepped out of the limo. He shut the door, straightened his jacket and let a long sigh.

The night was still young and he wanted to make up time with Kate.

His long strides got him to the dining hall just as the meal was being served.

Javi and Lanie waved him over to their table but he wanted to find Kate first and let her know that she didn't have to sit at the singles table any longer since Alexis' and now Emma's seat would be vacant.

Castle gave a quick nod to the detective and ME and then scanned the room quickly finding Kate's beautiful smile.

He was just getting his first glimpse of her and what he could see of her dress. She was stunning and the laughter she was letting loose did things to his stomach that he only ever felt around her.

It was just when he was more than halfway to her that he noticed the man setting next to her was the one making her laugh. Coming even closer he saw the man reach out and lightly touch Kate's hand as she threw her head back and laughed. He recognized him immediately. No way.

"You've got to be freaking kidding me!" Castle turned instantly and strode back to his table. He thought if he were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of his ears.

He made it back to the table and pointed back towards Kate. "What the hell is he doing here?"

Javi and Lanie both jumped and turned toward him. The had been so engrossed in each other that they didn't even see Castle coming back.

"Who are you talkin' about, bro?"

"Demming, Tom freaking demming. Why is he here?" Castle pulled his chair out roughly not caring that it was scraping the floor. He sat down hard and started drinking the champagne that had been poured for him.

"Whoa, dude, chill. He and Ryan got to know one another after those cases we worked. Why? What's wrong with him being here?" Javi's eyebrows were furrowed and he just stared at Castle waiting for an answer.

"That's whats wrong," he said as he shoved his champagne flute in Kate's direction.

Seeing what Castle was talking about, Lanie couldn't believe how he was acting. "Wait a minute. Just hold on. Let me get this straight, you're jealous of Demming, Kate's ex, when you're the one parading around another woman. Boy, you got some nerve letting Kate believe you were bringing Alexis and then showing up with a Beckett look alike. Speaking of, where is your date by the way?"

Finally able to get a word in, he explained to Lanie and Javi who Emma really was and that he had actually planned to be with Kate the whole night.

Lanie let a breath out of relief and pointed to Castle saying, "Okay, but you need to explain this to Kate as soon as possible. If you could have seen the look on my girls face tonight..."

"I know, Lanie! I saw. I'll fix it, don't worry."

Rick stood up and excused himself to head over to where Kate was but just as he was making his way, his cell phone started to buzz. Pulling it out of the breast pocket of his coat, he saw that it was Paula. He swiped the phone to accept the call and then quickly headed in the opposite direction out to the lobby to be out of sight. He had some words for her that no one else needed to hear. Putting the phone to his ear he let her have it. "Never again will I allow you and Gina to bully me into something like that, Paula, do you hear me. I am a pretty easy going guy, but no more will you take advantage of me like that. You knew I wouldn't say no once I found out Emma was in town from London for only a few more hours. Next time, I don't care how much money a deal like that would make me. I have a life and I will not let your or Gina pressure me into something like that again, got it?"

Paula was only calling to thank him for getting the deal finalized. She was not expecting to be reamed out by her best client.

Castle hung up his phone without letting her get a single word in and made his way back inside to the party. One last issue to clear up and he could finally enjoy the night.

In the short time that he had been on his phone, people had finished their meals and were now up and socializing with other guest or out on the dance floor.

That was where he saw Kate. She was swaying back in forth in the arms of Tom Demming.

* * *

><p>"Kate, hi."<p>

Kate glanced up and gave a tight smile to the detective from the robbery division. "Hi, Tom. How are you?"

"I'm great now. I have to be honest though, you're last person I expected to see at this table. I figured you were still with writer boy after we..." Tom saw the look on Kate's face and recognized a look of hurt so he didn't finish the sentence. "Well, anyway, it's really great to see you."

Kate couldn't lie and agree with him so she just gave small nod and dug into her food. As the meal went on he tried to keep a steady conversation but Kate was giving as short answers as possible. Could he not take a hint?

When the meal was done and the DJ let the crowd know it was time to dance, Tom turned to her with a smile and held his hand out.

Kate did not want to do what she was about to but she had to put an end to this right now. She turned her body towards his with her hands clasped on her thighs. "Listen, Tom, this may not make a lot of sense to you but even though I'm sitting at the singles table, I'm not exactly available and I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

Tom chuckled and shook his head. "I'm just asking you to dance as a friend. I'm not looking for anything other than that, I promise. I mean, no offense, you're a great catch but I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really over it yet so I'm just looking to have a good time tonight. And it sounds like you could use some fun too. Again, no offense."

Kate released the breath she didn't know she was holding. Fun? Yeah she could use some fun. Besides, the man that was holding her heart was probably on the dance floor holding another woman, so... "Okay, Demming, you're on." Kate took his hand and led him out to the dance floor.

They had been dancing now for about 4 songs and she had found that she was having a really good time. Probably because Demming was telling her stories of his time with Esposito and their days at the 54th, stories that she could totally use against Espo when she needed some ammo against him.

Kate was in mid laugh with her head thrown back when she felt firm fingers on her shoulder and heard his distinct clearing of the throat.

Castle.

"I hate to interrupt, but Kate may I cut in and have this dance?" Castle looked only to Kate and didn't even acknowledge Demming.

Her heart was in her throat.

Well crap.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate and Tom suspended their dance but were both still holding on to each other. Kate's eyes pierced Castle's with anger and Tom looked to her with questioning confusion.

"Kate?" Tom's question brought her out of her daze and it was then that she realized she was still letting the man hold her in front of Castle.

"I... um... yeah. I'm sorry, Tom, do you mind?" Kate felt bad for dismissing Tom because they really were enjoying themselves but she also couldn't believe she had just so easily agreed to dance with Castle.

Man, she was weak. And all because of him. This man that had pushed and pulled and tugged and had finally gotten her to fall in love with him, he was were kryptonite, and now she was about to dance with him knowing he was here with another woman. She was a glutton for punishment it seemed.

Demming bowed out gracefully and took his leave.

Kate watched him go and then finally turned back to Castle who was already standing with his arms out ready to take her in. She stood frozen, wanting to just jump into his arms and never let go. But she knew that the dance would soon end along with any chance she had with him.

"Beckett?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah, yes dance... you wanted to dance," stuttering to make a full sentence, she mentally shook herself out of her daze and stepped into Castle's broad embrace.

Her nostrils were instantly flooded with his familiar cologne and it was all she could do not to attach her nose to his neck and breath him in.

She was home.

Except she wasn't.

Tensing up, Kate inched her body away from his to try and get any kind of distance from him that she could.

Castle felt the sudden change in Beckett's body. "Kate, are you okay? You seem a little tense."

Kate wanted to yell that no, she was not okay and that he was breaking her heart into pieces. Instead she went with her usual, "I'm fine." And a few seconds later she added, "It's just that I'm a little confused as to why you are dancing with me when you should be dancing with your date."

Oh, this was snarky, jealous Beckett talking. He liked it.

Being his usual pushy self, he thought he'd have a little fun with her and even pay her back with his own sarcasm. "You're right Beckett, I probably should be dancing with Emma and that means I should probably let you get back to Demming. After all, you two were looking pretty cozy and I'd hate to come between you guys again."

He did not just go there. Oh, he so did.

Kate glared at him and pushed herself away. She was looking anywhere but at him and when she met his eyes, she pursed her lips and shook her head. She turned around and quickly walked away, weaving in and out of the other dancing couples. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she had to get out of there and fast.

When she had backed away from him and finally met his eyes, he instantly knew what a mistake he had made.

Snarky, jealous Beckett was gone and mad as hell and hurt Beckett replaced her.

This was so not good.

* * *

><p>Kate had found a bench outside in the courtyard of the hotel. She just wanted to sit a few minutes to clear he head.<p>

His comment had hit her hard, bringing feelings back from more than a summer ago. She wasn't mad at him as much as she was mad at herself. After the Memorial weekend mishap she had realized that she was at fault for pushing Castle away and throwing Demming in his face. She knew that he probably only turned to Gina because his ego had been bruised over and over by her constant rejection.

She bent over with her elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Why was this night turning out this way?

She heard footsteps walking towards her and already knew who it was.

Running after Kate, looking everywhere, Castle finally found her bent halfway over on a bench outside.

"Hey," he said as he lightly poked the front of her high-heel with the toe of his shoe.

She wouldn't look up at him. "What, Castle?"

"Kate."

Nothing.

"Will you look at me please? I swear you can be so stubborn."

Kate reluctantly dropped her hands, straightened up and drilled her gaze right into him with a look of nonchalance on her face. "What?"

"I want to apologize for the Demming comment. I kind of have a feeling that that is a sore subject for not only me but for you as well, so I really truly am sorry. I shouldn't have said that Kate." He wanted to bend down and comfort her somehow but didn't want to scare her off so he stayed where he was.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "It's water under the bridge, Castle." She wanted to say more but she wasn't ready to explain everything about that summer.

It was silent a minute until she spoke again. "And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said anything about your date. I'm sure she is a lovely woman." Kate meant it too. She knows Castle now and she knows that he isn't like his old self who would date anything on legs. He had changed over the years, or more accurately, he was being more himself than the persona that he portrayed for publicity back then.

Castle finally bent down to Kate's level and placed his hands on the outer side of each of her knees. He prayed she wouldn't kill him for it.

She didn't.

"Kate, let me explain my date with Emma."

Kate met his eyes and shook her head no. "Look, Rick, you don't have to explain anything and I don't have any right to say anything to you about who you date or who you decide to bring to a wedding. You're a single man, you can do whatever you want." Her hands had migrated to his and she squeezed them not even realizing it. "I just want to know why you had to lie to me about it. Why did you tell me you were bringing Alexis if you were really going to bring another woman? You're my best friend, Rick, and I thought I was yours and that we trusted each other and that we wouldn't lie..." Kate couldn't finish the sentence as her gut clenched with sickness. She realized what she was saying and that she was being a hypocrite, but she thought that since he was now with someone else, there was no point in him knowing that she lied about hearing him profess his love to her since he no longer felt that way.

She looked down at their hands and seeing hers on his, she removed them and stood up, walking a few feet away.

Castle was surprised by the quick motion and almost fell backwards. Regaining his composure he shot up and went after her, stepping in front of her to stop her from going any further.

"Just listen to me before you interrupt me again, please," he begged her.

She was surprised by his sudden exasperation but she nodded for him to continue.

"Alexis didn't come with me tonight because she was invited to the Lady Gaga concert. So of course I let her go. And then a few hours before the wedding I got a call from Paula telling me about a very important business deal and that I only had a few hours to meet with the person to close the deal. That person was Emma. She's gone now. I sent her away in the limo." Castle hoped that the explanation was good enough and that Kate no longer had any worries or lingering doubt.

"So, it wasn't a date? You're not dating her?" Kate was almost shy with the questions.

"No, Kate, Of course not." It was time for Castle to put it all out there. "To be honest, once Alexis bailed on me I was hoping to spend the entire evening by your side... you becoming my plus one. Although you couldn't really be my plus one since you were already invited to the wedding. I wonder how that would work, would it just be..."

"Castle!" She had to cut him off because he was starting to ramble.

He jumped and then looked back at her. Was that a look of shock in her eyes.

Squinting her eyes suddenly and poking him in the chest she asked, "You brought a business deal to Ryan's wedding?"

Castle started walking backwards as she stalked him. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

Kate ignored him. "Answer me!"

"No! Well... yes, I mean. Okay hold on a minute." He stopped moving and put his hand around one of her biceps and the other around the wrist that was poking him. "It was the only solution I could think of on such short notice and I let the pressure of Paula and Gina get to me. But never again, I swear."

Studying his eyes, she could see that he was being truthful.

It was his turn. "Now answer my question. Did you hear anything I said before you started questioning me about my business decision?"

She ducked her head and nervously picked at her finger nails. Yes she had heard him but once again she felt guilt rise up because knowing the man that he was, she had assumed the worst in him.

A few seconds had gone by without an answer, so he tilted her chin up to force her to look at him.

He could see that she was holding back tears. Her eyes were shiny with them and her her lips quivered. "Come here." He reached out and brought her into him. "Why the tears?"

As he wrapped his arms around her she let her forehead fall to his shoulder while fisting his jacket. "You're such a good man, Castle. And I'm damaged and such a mess and you have been so good to me. And tonight, after all the years I've known who you really are, I assumed the worst, Castle. I assumed the worst in you and you don't deserve that. I am so sorry."

Castle rested his cheek against Kate's head and tightened his arms around her. "Everyone's damaged Kate, so that point is moot. And also, when I first saw you having a good time with Demming tonight, I assumed the worst. And yeah, I'll admit it, I was jealous."

Kate let out a little laugh at that and looked up at him. "So we're even?"

"Oh Beckett, we are so not even. I do believe you owe me a dance and then maybe I'll consider us being even. What do you say?"

Giving him her smile that was only mean for him she said, "Deal, but can we just stay out her a minute?"

Castle was surprised by her request but he didn't argue.

Kate placed her chin on his shoulder and they swayed together in the quiet of the night.

She finally broke the silence a few minutes later. "Can I ask you a question?"

Castle laughed a little at her and said, "Of course."

"If you wanted to spend your night at my side, why didn't you just ask me to come with you?"

"As my date?"

"Yes, as your date."

Castle stopped swaying and pulled back to look at her. "I was scared. Scared that you would say no. And then what... then it would be really weird between us and I didn't want that. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable having to reject me."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This man, Richard Castle, the man who had dated tons of women was afraid to ask her on a date.

She smiled into his shoulder and then lifted her mouth to his ear. "I would have said yes, you know."

With chills running down his spine he gave her one final squeeze. Stepping away and taking one of her hands he led them back inside. "How about that dance you owe me to even things up?"

_TBC..._


	5. Chapter 5

With their fingers entwined, they made it back to the dance floor.

Along the way, Kate had glanced around and noticed Lanie and Esposito watching them, their heads leaned into one another, Lanie talking into Espo's ear. It was so obvious to Kate that her and Castle were the topic of conversation but she didn't care at the moment. All she cared about was finally telling Castle how she truly felt about him.

Castle found them an open area on the dance floor just as a faster song ended and "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers began to play.

Kate couldn't help but smile as she met Castle's eyes and stepped into his waiting arms. He nodded and gave his own soft smile then gently placed his right hand on the small of her back, pulling her in. As her right hand landed in his left he gave a warm squeeze and began circling them slowly in time with the song.

As the first chorus was sung over the speakers, Kate marveled at how the words were perfect for them and particularly her and how she was feeling in that exact moment.

She moved in closer and let her right cheek meet his.

_Oh, my love, my darling_

_I've hungered for your touch_

_A long, lonely time_

_Time goes by so slowly_

_And time can do so much_

_Are you still mine?_

_I need your love_

_I need your love_

_God speed your love to me_

It was like the DJ was in her mind with this song.

Ever since the shooting on that fateful day and even before then, if she was being honest with herself, Kate had longed for Castle's touch. She longed to be with him and to love him. She knew they were inevitable, it was only a matter of time. But then she was shot and needed more time to heal. But like the song was saying, only time can do so much. And waiting would only push Castle further away, wouldn't it?

_Lonely rivers flow _

_To the sea, to the sea_

_To the open arms of the sea_

_Lonely rivers sigh_

"_Wait for me, wait for me"_

_I'll be coming home wait for me_

How much had Castle suffered and sacrificed since the day she sat on a swing and asked him to wait for her, in a matter of speaking? Kate was determined to show him that the waiting was over.

The left hand that was on his shoulder slowly slid to the nape of his neck and grazed the edge of his clean cut hair. She felt his cheek move against hers and knew he was grinning. She could do this. She could make him as happy as he makes her.

_Oh, my love, my darling_

_I've hungered for your touch_

_A long, lonely time_

_Time goes by so slowly_

_And time can do so much_

_Are you still mine?_

_I need your love_

_I need your love_

_God speed your love to me_

_Lonely mountains gaze_

_At the stars, at the stars_

_Waiting for the dawn of the day_

"Thank you, Castle," she whispered into his ear.

"For what?"

"For being you. Patient, selfless and for waiting on me. At least I think you're still waiting on me but if you're not it's okay just forget I said that..."

"Kate." Castle stopped her rambling and leaned back a little so that he could see her eyes.

_All alone I gaze_

_At the stars, at the stars_

_Dreaming of my love far away_

"I'll wait as long as it takes. Always."

Kate's eyes filled with tears but she would not allow herself to look away. She wanted Castle to see just what his words meant to her.

After a few moments castle moved both of his hands down around the middle of her back and held her as tight and as close as he could. Kate reciprocated and brought both arms around his shoulders.

They stayed that way while the song played on.

_Oh, my love, my darling_

_I've hungered for your touch_

_A long, lonely time_

_Time goes by so slowly_

_And time can do so much_

_Are you still mine?_

_I need your love_

_I need your love_

_God speed your love to me_

The song ended and the DJ told the guests that it was time for the bouquet and garter toss.

Kate felt Castle let out a sigh onto her shoulder and knew that it was because he was disappointed that the moment was over. She tightened her arms around him and then tilted her head down and in so that she could place a soft lingering kiss to his neck just behind the jaw under his ear.

She heard him suck in a breath and hold it. Stepping back and taking one of his hands she pulled on him. "Come on, Castle, let's get a drink."

Coming out of the kiss induced haze he spoke up as he was being tugged along. "Wait. Kate, don't you want to try and catch the bouquet?"

Kate kept walking but looked at him from over her shoulder. "I'm pretty sure I'm spoken for, Castle."

Castle followed her to the bar dumbfounded.

Internally, Kate was reeling. She was pretty sure she had just told Castle that she was his and she had no idea where all of this courage was coming from. But she was glad for it. If she was going to do this, she had to do it all the way. No more waiting and running. Full steam ahead.

Castle took the glass of champagne she held out to him and leaned his side into the bar with his elbow resting on top. "So, this guy that speaks for you, do I know him?"

Kate smiled up at him and took a small sip of her champagne. She then set it down on the bar, stepping closer to him leaving only inches between them. Castle followed her lead and set his glass down too.

"Rick, I..." Kate eye's met his then fell down to his lips and then back up to his eyes again. "I don't want to do subtext anymore." Placing her palms on each side of his neck she leaned in so that her lips could finally come together with his. The warmth of his mouth sent a current of electricity through her body. She wanted to stay here and drink from his lips all night but she remembered that they were in a very public place. Giving herself an extra second to feel his lips on hers she finally pulled back. Their breath mingled together and she looked up to find that his eyes were still closed. She spoke to him anyway. "To answer your question, you do know him. You know him very well. It's you, Rick."

Castle slowly opened his eyes and their foreheads came together. "Wow." It was all Castle could get out.

He thought he was done for when she used his first name, but that kiss... that kiss had knocked his socks off.

Finally coming back to his senses he asked, "Kate, are you sure. I meant what I said earlier. I'll wait for you as long as it takes."

Oh this man.

"I'm ready, Rick. I may still be damaged and like I said, I'm a mess. But I'm tired of waiting and making you wait. I want this. Us. You. I want you, Castle." She shyly picked at an imaginary fuzz on his coat while waiting for his reaction.

His smile couldn't get any bigger as his hands found her cheeks and pulled her in for another searing kiss. It was quick but it got the point across that he was ecstatic.

As they broke apart they heard cheering and laughter coming from the dance floor. While they were having their first real kiss, Ryan and Jenny had been tossing the bouquet and garter to the waiting singles.

Seeing that the activity was done they made their way over to the newlyweds who were standing with Javier and Lanie.

Castle and Kate spoke their congratulations to the Ryan's and hugged their newly wedded friends.

"The ceremony was beautiful," Kate said to both Ryan and Jenny and they both nodded to her and then went back to smiling at each other in their newlywed bliss.

"Mmmhmm," came from Lanie standing behind Kate.

Lanie knew Kate had barely seen any of the ceremony because she was pouting and glaring at the back of Castle's head.

Kate thru one of her famous glares at Lanie telling her to shut up without words. Thankfully everyone else was oblivious to their silent conversation.

"Hey guys." Castle got all of his friends attention. "Kevin and Jenny, I know you guys are leaving for your honeymoon tomorrow afternoon so I took the liberty of booking you the honeymoon suite for tonight. You'll love it. It's one of the best suites in the city."

Kevin and Jenny looked at one another and then to Castle. They were all smiles and couldn't thank him enough.

"In fact," he looked to Esposito and Lanie, "I booked you guys a room too. You guys deserve some time to yourselves."

"You the man, bro." Esposito clasped one of Castle's hands with his and thru his other arm around the writer's shoulders.

Stepping up for her turn, Lanie gave him a peck on the cheek and squeezed his bicep. "Thank you, Castle."

Everyone then turned to Kate. She had the "deer in the headlights" look on her face.

"Oh, don't worry detective, I booked the penthouse suite for myself and Alexis. She's supposed to meet up with me after the concert. The suite has 3 bedrooms. I was hoping you would join us if you liked." Before tonight, Castle knew that she would probably turn him down, but he was more hopeful after the way the night had turned out.

Knowing everyone was waiting to hear her answer, she told Castle she would think about it. With that each couple made their way back onto the dance floor.

Castle once again took Kate into his arms hoping he had not embarrassed her. "I'm sorry, Kate. I was going to tell you about the room privately."

She had already begun playing with the hair at his nape. "It's fine, Castle. Don't worry about it. That was really sweet of you, by the way."

"It was nothing. You and the guys and Lanie have been so good to me, it was the least I could do. And besides, I needed Ryan and Jenny to be here in the morning so that they would be picked up and taken to the airport by my car service."

Kate was confused. "I thought they were going on a road trip for a few days."

Castle just smiled at her shrugging his shoulders.

"You're sending them away for their honeymoon?"

"I wanted them to start their marriage off right."

"Where?"

"St. Lucia."

Kate looked at Castle with awe. She wanted to kiss the man again. She knew he hadn't done it to throw his wealth around. She had learned over the years that he was really generous with his money. Finally she leaned in a gave him a peck on the corner of his mouth and then rested her nose into his cheek. "Thank you, Rick."

"Well don't thank me, Kate. You're not going with them."

Kate laughed and shook her head. "For being you. Thank you for being you."

Castle caressed Kate's back and made circles with his hand. They danced on in silence for the next few songs taking in this new intimacy that they were entering into.

When the party started winding down the DJ announced that it was time to see the newlyweds out. Kate and Castle made their way to line up and cheer the couple on.

Castle noticed a far away look on Kate's face and bumped her hip with his. "Hey, you okay."

Kate shook herself back to reality and lied. "Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe just a little tired from all that dancing." She gave him a warm smile.

The truth was, now that she had told him she wanted to be with him, she remembered that she needed to come clean about hearing him say those three words all those months ago.

Everyone started clapping and and blew bubbles as Ryan and Jenny made their way out of the dining hall and up to their now upgraded, thanks to Castle, honeymoon suite.

Castle turned and slid his palm down Kate's arm and then entwined his fingers with hers. "No pressure, Kate. If you're too tired or you just don't feel comfortable staying, it's okay. I can give you a ride home or we can grab a nightcap and then head up to the penthouse suite. We can just talk and hang out or go straight to bed... in serparate rooms I mean... like I said no pressure." Castle's brow was creased hoping he hadn't scared her off.

Already having made her mind up when he first mentioned it, she answered, "I'd like to stay, but I need to stop by my apartment first. You could come with me if you'd like."

"Yeah, yeah, we can do that."

They said their goodbyes to their friends that were left and then hailed a cab back to Kate's place. On the way there, Kate became more and more nervous. She knew what she had to do and was afraid it was going to ruin their relationship before it really ever got started.

Castle reached over and placed his palm on her thigh. She gave his hand a squeeze and held it there. He always knew how to comfort her in just the right moment. She silently prayed that he would forgive her for lying all this time.

They made it to her apartment and she let them in. "I'm just gonna grab my stuff real quick. I promise I won't be long."

Before she could get far she felt Castle's hand on her waist turning her back around to him. He had a solemn look on his face. "Castle, what's wrong?"

"I'm so stupid."

"Huh? Castle what are you-"

Holding a finger to her lips, he went on. "I'm so stupid because I had the honor of being with the most gorgeous woman tonight and I didn't even tell her that."

Kate blushed and reached up to wrap her palm around his finger.

"Kate, you look stunning tonight. You always do, but this dress and your heels and your hair...wow. You take my breath away, Kate." He used his free hand to palm her neck, thumb soothing her ear.

Kate's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. He was being so sincere and the look in his eyes told her she was everything to him. She leaned in to his palm and turned to kiss it.

They stood there breathing in one another. Finally, Castle leaned in and closed his eyes. Kate met him halfway for what was the most explosive yet gentle kiss they had ever had. Their lips melded together so that the give and take of the kiss was effortless. It was not lost on either one of them that they found synchronicity in yet another aspect of their partnership.

Partners. That word meant so much more now.

Until Kate destroyed it with her lie.

With that thought, Kate reluctantly pulled away from a pouting Castle. "I won't be long I promise." She backed away watching him and then went into her bedroom and closed the door, quickly finding a bag and shoving some comfy clothes and her other necessities in it. She went over to her nightstand and thumbed through the drawer finding the large manilla envelope she was looking for. She shoved it into the bag, took a deep breath, and went back out and found Castle.

Replacing a book from her bookshelf he beamed when she reappeared. "Hey, you ready?"

"Yeah." Kate forced a smile on her face and pretended nothing was wrong. With that they made their way back to the hotel and up to the penthouse suite.


	6. Chapter 6

"So, there are two bedrooms over there and the third one is on the other side. Take your pick." Castle was standing in the middle of the living room giving Kate a quick tour of the suite.

Kate looked around with both hands in front of her clutching her bag. "Wow, Castle, this is... this is incredible.

They were standing in the most expensive suite in one of the most expensive hotels in the city.

Walking toward the closest room she turned back to Castle who was removing his jacket and loosening his tie, "I'll take this room. I'm just going to change into something more comfortable if that's okay. Be out in a sec."

Kate quickly shut the door behind her and leaned herself back, resting her head against it while shutting her eyes. Giving herself a quick pep talk, she strode to the bed and heaved her bag on top. She changed quickly into some black leggings that stopped a few inches above her ankles and an NYPD shirt that the neck was cut out of so that it hung low and left her right shoulder bare. She quickly pulled her hair into a high loose bun. She knew Rick loved her wedding attire but she wanted to be comfortable when she had the talk with him. Leaving her feet bare she grabbed the envelope that was staring her in the face and went back out into the living room.

* * *

><p>Rick was just coming out of his room, opposite of hers. He had also changed and Kate took the sight of him in. She couldn't help but look him up and down. He was wearing a black v-neck T-shirt with black loose fit cotton shorts that went passed his knees but revealed his muscular calves and bare feet that she had never seen before. In fact, she had never seen him in such relaxed clothing. Her mouth was going dry, he looked so appealing.<p>

Mentally shaking herself out of it, she asked, "Have you heard from Alexis?"

Rick stood across the room gaping at her, mouth open, but no words coming out. Apparently her appearance had the same affect on him as his had on her.

"Castle?"

"Huh?"

"Alexis?"

"Oh, right, sorry it's just that as gorgeous as you looked tonight, what you're wearing now is more of a turn on for me..." His eyes started at her feet and made their way to her own, "And I should just stop talking." He gave her a sheepish smile. "Um, Alexis called while I was changing and said she isn't going to make it tonight. Some girlfriend of hers wanted her to spend the night."

Kate was all of a sudden nervous. She looked anywhere but at him and was twisting her fingers together.

Being ever observant, Castle bound up to her and ran his hands up and down her upper arms, trying to soothe out whatever thoughts that were plaguing her mind. "Is it okay if she isn't coming?"

Kate couldn't resist the pull he had on her and leaned up into him quickly pecking his lips. "Yeah, that's fine. I was hoping that you and I could talk anyway." It was now or never and she couldn't keep the truth from him any longer.

"Yeah, of course, um... can we...,"Castle hesitated a little bit afraid to ask his question and her interpret it wrong. "Can we get comfortable on my bed? I promise no funny business... just talking."

Kate gave him half a smile and then nodded. She followed his lead with the envelope still in hand.

* * *

><p>Castle's room was just as nice as hers except that his had one wall made solely out of glass overlooking the city. It was breathtaking.<p>

Making himself comfortable, he scooted back against the leather headboard and crossed his legs indian style. Looking to Kate, he patted the bed next to him for her to join him. She crawled onto the bed and sat cross legged in front of him instead.

"What's that?" He was just now noticing the manilla envelope that she had in her hands.

Looking down, she sighed and then finally met his eyes. "It's what I wanted to talk to you about." She reached out and grabbed his hand that was perched on his knee. "If we're going to do this, Rick, you need to know everything."

Castle saw the somber look on her face and frowned. "Kate, what is it? You're making me nervous here."

"Those two months..." Kate wouldn't meet his eyes and he took in a deep breath. He knew exactly what months she was referring to. He gave her hand a light squeeze so that she would continue.

She opened the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers.

Castle could see that it was a stack of white printer paper. They were all a little dingy from being handled and he could see that some of them had crease lines where they had previously been folded.

"Those two months while I was away at my dad's cabin...," She pulled her hand away from his and held the stack of papers with both hands while studying them as if she hadn't ever seen them before. "I couldn't write to you that first month while I was in the hospital. The pain, the drugs, the physical therapy, my broken heart, both physically and mentally, would not allow me to write. So when I got to my dad's cabin I wrote to you. It was one of the only painless things I could do and it kept me from going insane. You kept me from going insane."

Castle's adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed her words. He didn't know what he was expecting from this conversation, but this was not it.

"Before you and I really get started, I need to share these letters with you." She gave him a sad smile. "As much as I don't want to do this, I need to read them to you. Some of them are only a couple of sentences and some are longer."

Castle nodded his head and leaned forward with elbows on his knees.

She sucked in a deep breath and began the first letter.

_Castle,_

_I made it to my dad's cabin. Not that you would know that because I pushed you away a month ago. I told you I'd call you and then time went on and I just didn't. I'm good at that. Pushing people away, when in truth, I really need them. And for once you listened to me. _

At that Kate looked up and smirked at him. He just shrugged at her and she realized this wasn't the time to joke so she read on.

_You've stayed away. You haven't called or emailed or text. I shouldn't be sad about it. It's my own doing. So I'm here. Thinking about you. I miss you._

_Kate_

She set that letter aside and glanced up at him. His gaze was fixed on the stack of papers so she went on.

_Castle,_

_I sent my dad away today. He hovered. If I had the strength, I may have strangled him. I made sure he knows how much I love him and that I appreciated all his help before he left. I was looking forward to being alone. But being alone, I only have time to think. If you only knew how much of that time I spent thinking about you, your head would probably explode. But I do think about you. I wonder what you are doing right now. Do you ever think about me? What a selfish question, huh?_

_Kate_

_Castle,_

_I hurt. My whole being hurts. I don't know if I can do this. You would tell me I could and that it will all be okay in the end. I need you._

_Kate_

_Castle,_

_Why did you listen to me? You haven't called me. You haven't found me, way out in the middle of nowhere. Why haven't you weaseled your way back into my life like you always do? Where are you, Castle?_

_Kate_

Kate's voice was unsteady reading that letter. She closed her eyes to compose herself.

"We're here now, Kate. It's okay." Castle did his best to reassure her, so she picked up where she left off.

_Castle,_

_I'm writing to say I can't write today. I'm in too much pain._

_Kate_

_Castle, _

_Two months. I haven't seen or heard from you in two months. I still feel like I'm dying. From the bullet, from not seeing you. It all hurts too damn much. Some partner you have... or had. Weak and broken, hiding away like a coward. This is death, I think. I've died and gone to hell. _

_Kate_

_Castle,_

_Captain Montgomery is gone. You kept me from getting killed that night. Why didn't you let me die? I miss him, Castle, so much. I miss you._

_Kate_

Castle saw her tears and he couldn't take it any longer. He reached out to her and laid a palm against her face pulling her towards him. "Come here."

She set the letters aside and came forward on her hands and knees. Their lips met quickly once, twice, and a third time and then she sat back on her heels.

He wiped the pad of his thumb under her eyes taking her tears with it. "Those days are over. You're here. You're healed. You have me."

She wanted to give in and just love on the man. He was so tempting. "I have one more letter to read you. It's the real reason for this conversation. You'll understand when I'm done." She crawled forward again and gave him another peck on the lips. This time she didn't back away but turned facing away from him. He read her mind and spread his legs so that she could lean back against his chest between the V of his legs. He wrapped his arms around her belly and pulled her as close as he could. She felt his chin rest on the curve of her neck where her shoulder and head met.

Kate grabbed the final letter and began reading. She prayed her voice would hold up.

_Rick,_

_I think I've made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I told you I would call and then I never did. I still haven't. I don't know if I will. I'm guessing it has broken you. If I could be any more broken it would break me too. You saved me out here, you know? Thinking about you all this time got me through. It's not the only time you have saved me, you know that. How many times has my life been spared because of you... 7 or 8 times now? Well, now you can add my cabin stay to your tally. But Rick, I know you saved me another time. Being under your weight , it crushed me. But your blue eyes and the bright blue sky behind you kept me afloat. Not only that but your words. I stayed with you as long as I could, did you know that? I didn't want to leave you. But I was dying Rick, I had no choice. I heard you, though. Truth be told, I've dreamed of hearing you tell me you love me. But not when I was dying. That was a nightmare. Those words, whether spoken in the heat of the moment or not, still saved me though. And even if you really love me or not, one thing is certain, I do love you. I am in love with you. And I have been in love with you for a while now and I can't tell you that because I lied and told you I didn't remember anything in the hospital and then I told you I would call you. It's been three months now and I'm coming home. I never called you. I am a coward. I love you._

_Kate_

Kate let go of the letter and watched as it drifted down onto the bed beside her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for Castle's reaction. His chin on her neck was replaced with his forehead. She could feel his hot steady breath on her back. His hands were still on her stomach but they weren't moving.

Not being able to stand the silence anymore, Kate gave one if his hands a gentle squeeze. "Rick?"

He finally spoke from her shoulder. "Just let me gather my thoughts,okay?"

With that, all Kate could do was wait.


	7. Chapter 7

Kate felt awkward in the silence. She had just dropped a bomb on Castle and somehow he was still holding onto her tightly. She needed to move, to give him some space. She wanted to run. But running was what had put her in this spot to begin with. No, she wouldn't run, but she could slip out of his arms. He was still leaning his forehead on her shoulder blade, letting his breath cascade down her back. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she pried both his hands off of her stomach and crawled away from him, off of the bed.

Castle felt her leave his grasp but kept his eyes closed because he wasn't ready to let her see any of his emotions yet. He didn't want the wrong ones to leak out. He was taking his time to let the initial shock of her confession settle so that he wouldn't react purely on emotion. Logic and clear thinking were the only thing that would get him through this. He brought his knees up, resting his elbows on them, letting his head fall into his hands.

Kate, in the meantime, knew to keep quiet and let him think but she was getting restless. She paced around his bedroom some and then decided she needed to be doing something. Making her way into the suite's kitchen, she made them both some coffee. She had a feeling this was going to be a long night and they both needed something to replenish their energy since she knew the letters had drained them both.

Coming back into the bedroom, she held out his coffee. "Thanks. I probably need this tonight." He took the mug from her without making eye contact.

"Your welcome and I figured you would." Kate sat down at the foot of the bed and pulled one leg up so that she could turn and face him.

He took a sip and finally met her eyes. "I knew that you remembered," he said with a sad smile.

"What? How..."

"I know you, Kate. You should know that by now. You should know that I can tell when you are lying to me." Kate ducked her head feeling like she was being scolded by a parent. "I've been watching and learning you for three years now, Kate. Other people may have been fooled by you, but not me."

Kate sighed and looked up. "Castle, I..."

"No, Kate, I'm not...," he sat his coffee down on the night stand. "I'm not mad." He scooted down the bed to be closer to her.

"You're not?" Kate was shocked.

"Like I said, I knew you remembered. I mean, I hate that you lied to me and it hurts, but I just kept telling myself that there had to be a reason. And I trusted that you would eventually come to me with that reason. And here we are it seems." Castle reached out and grabbed one of Kate's hands.

Kate had miscalculated Castle's reaction. She was prepared for a silent Richard Castle who couldn't stand to even look at her or a furious Richard Castle who yelled and argued over her lying to him, but this quiet and subdued, sad, yet hurt Richard Castle, she was not prepared for this. The look in his eyes was shredding her heart to pieces as if she were back in that cemetery getting shot again.

"Those letters said a lot, Kate, and they explained a lot. What you went through sounds horrific and I can't even imagine what it must be like to get shot in the chest. But I need to hear it from you, and just like I know you, you know me, Kate, so why lie to me in the hospital. Why not acknowledge what I said? I would have given you all the time and space you needed without you having to push me away."

Kate subconsciously interlocked her fingers with his and took a deep breath before she answered him. "I know you want to know why I lied to you at the hospital, and I will get to that, but the answer starts long before then." Castle nodded and silently let her know to continue. "Long before I was shot, my life was falling apart. I was falling apart. I hid it all so well. I think what got the ball rolling was two summers ago when you went to the Hampton's." She knew he was confused so she cut him off before he could speak. "I know that doesn't make sense right now but I promise we will talk about that summer. Anyway, after that I began dating Josh all the while fighting feelings that I had for you. Then Royce was killed. After that, I lost you after our fight. I didn't think I could take any more and then of course Montgomery sacrificed himself for me and then I was shot at his funeral." Kate shuddered at the memory of it all and tried to steel herself for the rest of the conversation.

"Only a person as strong as you could handle those things, Kate."

Raising her voice a little she responded. "I didn't handle it. That's pretty obvious. I shut out the most important people in my life. I was drowning, Castle. I was lost and then you go and tell me you love me while I'm dying, and have a boyfriend. It was too much all at once. I just wanted it all to go away. So, I made it all go away by running."

Castle let go of her hand and stood from the bed so that he could pace. He stayed close to her, though, so she would know he was not abandoning her. "You're right, that is a lot to handle." He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I wasn't thinking about all of that."

He didn't say anything else so Kate went on. "So when you came to see me at the hospital, all I wanted to do was give myself up to you. But like I said, Josh was still in the picture and even if he wasn't, Castle, I was so broken and messed up, so afraid of what you would see if I allowed you in."

"Kate, I would have loved you anyway. I could have helped you." Castle's pace quickened as he was getting frustrated.

"I know you would have, and it's probably not the answer you want but I was scared and I'm a coward, Castle, plain and simple. I wish I could take it back. I see everything I did wrong now and how bad I have hurt you. I see what I have put you through and it kills me, Rick." She did her best to hold back the tears, but a few leaked over the brims of her eyelids.

Castle thought about everything she had just said and couldn't imagine surviving everything that she had gone through. Yes, He had been by her side the whole time, but he was only on the outside looking in, not until she was shot, anyway. Seeing her tears, he stopped his march and sat back down next to her. "You're not a coward anymore, Kate. You're here, you're telling me everything, and you initiated it. That takes guts." He patted her thigh hoping to calm her down a little.

"So, I'm an open book tonight... ask me anything, the answers are all yours." She didn't want anything left undone between them and she was prepared for anything he might want to know.

He studied her for a moment and then finally asked, "If you had the chance, would you do it over?"

"Getting shot, hell no!" Kate knew that wasn't what he was asking but they both needed to lighten the mood. It worked and he smiled back at her. "Of course I would. I wouldn't have shut you out, I would have broken up with Josh a long time ago. You were right, I hid in that relationship. I know I'm different now though. I'm working on myself, becoming more than who I was. I go to therapy every week. I'm learning how to react differently, face things head on instead of running. That's why I'm here talking to you finally. I'm still scared but I'm done waiting."

Castle pulled her into a hug. "No more running?"

"No more running. Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you forgive me for lying?" Kate was nervous now that he knew everything.

He tightened his arms around her. "Look at me, Kate."

When she did, she saw nothing but love. "It's already done. Thank you for explaining it to me."

"You shouldn't be thanking me for that, Castle. I owed it to you. But anyway, is there anything else?"

"Actually, yeah. You said you would explain that summer?"

"Right, well, how about you and I get comfortable again. I think the hardest part is over."

They both went back to the head of the bed and rested side by side against the headboard. Before Kate could get scooted back all the way, Castle grabbed her hips and pulled her into him as close as he could. She leaned into his side and settled in.

"Do you remember inviting me to the Hampton's that weekend?"

"Of course. It was for Memorial Day. But you were with Demming and had plans with him."

Kate let out of breath while she picked at Castle's shorts. "Yeah, so I realized before you left the precinct that Tom wasn't what I was looking for. I took him aside and broke up with him."

"Wait. You broke up with him before the weekend started?" Castle was trying to put all of the pieces together in his mind.

"Yeah, before I talked to you, I let him go. I was playing it safe with him. I didn't have to risk anything with him. You on the other hand were a huge risk, but the heart wants what the heart wants, right?" It was a rhetorical question but Castle was nodding in agreement.

"Wow. You were going to except my offer weren't you?" Kate turned her head to him and answered him with her eyes. "And then Gina showed up." He was stunned at his own revelation. "Kate, we really suck at communicating."

Kate laughed and gave him a sad smile. "I'm working on it, Castle. You're worth it to me."

Castle's heart swelled. He brushed a piece of her hair back behind her ear and held his hand there. "I love you, Kate." It was the first time he said it since her shooting.

It was just as powerful as the first time, but now Kate could reciprocate her feelings back to him. She swallowed down more tears and said, "I love you, Castle, so much."

With that, they both leaned in and melted their lips together. This kiss was so full of promise and love and freedom. This kiss was magic. Needing air, they both pulled apart and rested their foreheads together.

Still caressing her cheek, Castle let his breath meld with hers. "So we're doing this? You're all in?"

"Yeah, Rick, I'm all in. I'm yours."

Castle couldn't be anymore relieved. "So tell me, when did you know?"

"When did I know I loved you?" Castle shook his head like an excited little puppy waiting for a treat. She didn't make him wait long. "Well, you now know I had feelings for you that summer, but when you left I did my hardest to try and forget about you. Hence Josh. If I'm being honest though, I knew I was in love with you after the 3XK case. That night I went home and all I could think about was how I almost lost you and what it would have done to me. I realized it would have destroyed me. I knew I couldn't live without you. But you were with Gina and I with Josh. And I was still getting over the hurt from that summer, even though that situation was mainly my fault for parading Tom in front of you. Anyways, there was no way I was going to let myself hurt like that again so I stayed with the safe option of Josh again. I tried my best to ignore my feelings for you and pretend they weren't there but the reality was, I was falling in love with you more and more as time went by."

"All this time." Castle was stunned.

"Yeah. All this time." Kate looked down and fidgeted with her hands. "What about you? When did you know?"

Castle chuckled and let his head fall back against the headboard. "Pretty much day one , Kate."

Kate smacked him in the shoulder. "Oh come on, Castle. That was pure lust and you know it."

"You're right, it was, but it wasn't long after that I think. I started falling for you when you opened up to me about your mom." Castle kissed her temple and then went on. "Really Kate, how could I not fall in love with you right away. You were everything I didn't even know I wanted at the time."

Kate saw the truth in his eyes. She rose and planted herself on his lap, straddling his hips, kissing him hard. Castle didn't hesitate and opened up to her. They kissed deep and long, letting there hands roam over one another.

Finally, Kate pulled back, knowing there was one last thing she needed to do. Looking Castle square in the eye, she grabbed his right hand and guided it underneath the hem of her shirt. Castle's eyes grew big and looked at her in question and then down to where she was taking his hand. Her eyes told him all would be okay.

He could feel her whole body start to tremble. "Kate?"

"Shh. It's okay, Castle. We both need this." Her hands finally brought his to the spot. As his finger tips met her puckered skin, she gasped but steeled herself in the moment.

He felt her heart pounding against his palm. But more than that he could feel the rippled skin where the bullet had entered her. It took his breath away.

He brought his other hand around to the small of her back pulling her in as close as he could. There was no distance between their chests but his hand.

He bumped his nose against hers and let their foreheads kiss. "I don't know where I'd be right now had you not survived. I love you so much."

"I know, Castle. This scar, it's ours. It reminds me every day of what I could have lost. And I'm not talking about my life, I'm talking about you. I need you, Castle. I need you like I've never needed anything else before. I love you."

Kate's head fell into the crook of his neck and they sat like that for some time. She had finally fessed up to her lie and her true feelings towards Castle, and she couldn't be happier at the moment. She gave his neck open mouth kisses and then moved to his throat. Her mouth made it's way up to his jaw and over to his mouth. He allowed her to pull him in again. She kissed him for a minute or two and then finally pulled back.

"I promise no more lies, Castle. I'll be open and honest from now on. Just do the same for me, okay?"

Castle was still catching his breath from her kiss but he spoke up. "I promise too, Kate."

As soon as he answered her, he realized he was still keeping his own secret from her. With all of the progress they had made tonight, he didn't know how to tell her without undoing everything.


End file.
